>0-6 months -- 6, 13 & 19 year olds, Adults
“I’m glad you’re here.”
Your needs are OK with me.
I’m glad you’re a girl (or a boy).
You don’t have to hurry.
I like holding you.
>6-18 months -- 13 & 14 year olds, Adults doing things on their own
“I see that you’re doing things.”
You don’t have to do anything (be cute, sick, sad, mad, or scared) to get approval.
It’s OK to do things (try things, start new things, be curious, be intuitive) and get support and protection at the same time.
>18 months to 3 years, mid-teens, Adults needing to do cause and effect thinking
“I expect you to start learning that results happen because of what you and I do.”
(cause and effect thinking)
I’m glad that you’re growing up.
It’s OK to be angry sometimes; and I’m not hurt by your anger.
You can think and feel at the same time.
You can be sure of what you need.
>3-6 years, mid-teens, Adults owning their own power to be who they are and asking straight for what they need
“I expect you to start learning the difference between feelings and actions, and
to ask straight for your needs to be met.”
You can both be powerful and have needs.
You don’t have to act scared, sick, sad, mad, or smart to get taken care of.
You can express your feelings straight.
It’s OK to say you are mad, but you may not hit.
>6-12 years, late teens-early 20s, Adults making changes
“I see you becoming independent and responsible--trying out, thinking about, altering and
claiming your own way of looking at things, and doing things to take care of yourself.”
You can think about it before you make a rule your own.
You can do it your own way.
It’s OK to disagree.
You don’t have to suffer to get what you need.
>13-19 years, Adults working through old problems & separating from parents
“I see you are recycling, going over old needs and problems with an added dimension of
sexuality. It’s OK to recycle and to separate and assume responsibility for your own needs,
feelings, and behaviors as a grown-up person in the world.”
You can be a sexual person and still have needs.
It’s OK to know who you are.
You’re welcome to come home again.
I love you.